So the other day I had the pleasure of discussing with a friend the…as she called it… “positivism” and “energy” that I appear to lack in day to day conversations.
For those who don’t me, or rather don’t know me in person (which I’m guessing is probably none of you but oh well, for inclusion’s sake), I can be a little a dry sometimes.
Scratch that. I can be dry a lot of the time. Besides the occasional bouts of extreme enthusiasm, my standard personality tends to not have the exciting social traits that my more exuberant friends have. Also, I like using fancy words sometimes, just for the sake of using them, even if I butcher them.
For these sins I admit full responsibility.
But frankly, I’m getting a little sick and tired of the…shall we say the admonishment that I’ve received from people for my making of statements that can be, as I admit, sometimes sounding pessimistic.I even had someone call me a party pooper once.
But come on people, I don’t poop on THAT many parties. And when I do, it is righteous, justifiable, and reasonable poop. Not malicious poop.
“Well still, Alexi, you can be kinder and find a better way of breaching a topic rather than being critical”. This is true. So I thought- what better way to let y’all know what bothers me than a post describing things I feel critical about in a fun, satirical and self-condoning kinda way without ranting off your eardrum? So here it is. A list of don’ts that I’m pretty sure not only I dislike, but others do too, intermingled with explanations. Enjoy.
1) I studied literature in college. I read all the time. That doesn’t mean I’ve read everything, and I’d be the first person to admit my shortcomings. But please. If you’ve read “a book”, don’t automatically assume that you are an expert on the matter. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to listen to people give me their invaluable insight on the thirty pages they read of a book (I totally do the same. It’s disgusting). And then if I haven’t read it, “oh, how could you not have read this book?”. Please. It’s like me going to a civil engineer and saying “I built this birdhouse from wood. What? You haven’t built a birdhouse? How DO you get along in engineering?” Do everyone a favor. If you like a book, just say you like it. If someone asks you more intensive questions, well then by all means, go into your intellectual thoughts. But just don’t open with it.
2) I’m a skeptic by nature. Don’t take my “well, are you sure…?” as a personal critique of you. In fact, I’m only bringing up those problems at the forefront because I want you to be fully aware of the situation you are proposing. You want to write a book? Well sure, it’s a romantic thought, and I love it. But if I ask you if you’re sure and you get upset because I seem to be killing your dreams, then you have a LOT more to worry about than just me.
Now for general stuff.
3) Telling people to calm down. Please, the worst thing you can tell an anxiety ridden person to do is to “calm down”. It will make it worse. Just let them steam it out by themselves. It’s like a high pressure valve, you don’t want to blow the pipes, you want to let it phase.
4) Loud noises at inopportune times. Key-word is inopportune times. At a party? Yell all you want. Public? Go for it. Sitting next to you on the couch? Not necessary.
5) Alone time. I read an article the other week where it described two types of people- people who gather strength from being in a group of others, and those who need alone time to recharge (plus a friend of mine told me about it). If someone needs to recharge, let them. They’d love to hang with you, but just need the time to think.
6) And don’t call them lonely for it. They may have not been thinking about it, but now they are. Thanks.
7) Don’t make fun of someone who typically is critical when they are trying to be friendly. You cannot imagine how hard it is for us to smile and say “oh, sure, I got it” when we want to yell and say “NO I DON’T AGREE”. It’s just how we talk, so give us a break. Just smile back, and we’ll think we are doing well.
8) We are self-conscious to a high degree. Be gentle.
Don’t worry, I like you all. I just get frustrated, very, very easily.